Much has been said about the understated struggle of a SAHM as well as a working mom’s juggle of the sometimes-conflicting responsibilities. Many women in the first year of their baby’s life make the transition to go from one role to the other, or vice versa. But not much has been said about this unique process, i.e. one of the toughest transitions a woman goes through in life.

Recently, I made the life decision to go back to work after being home for a year since my daughter was born. We thought it was a timely decision because of the nature of the opportunity, the commute, my mental readiness, and how baby S seemed developmentally ready to have more than just mom and dad as primary caretakers. It was a decision that we made together as a family with a lot of discussion, thinking, and planning for the changes to come.

I had about 3 weeks between accepting the job offer and starting the job. During this time, the husband and I went through so much preparation and communication to make sure we, especially baby S, were prepared for this new way of life and that we would all continue to thrive.

Some of these decisions were difficult to make, and the conversation that we had to have in order to make the decisions was no easier.

In today’s post, I wanted to share with you the various aspects of our lives we had to modify in order to meet the demands of a household with a working mom, and how we went about having these conversations and the things that made our communications successful.

1.      Budget do-over

Personal finance and being debt-free are big in our family. I’ve written a few blog posts on this topic (how fashion blogging ruined my finances, becoming debt-free, living a financially responsible life) if you’re curious. With starting a new job, I was going to be driving more, eating out more, probably shopping for little stuff more, even though I was also going to make more money. We spent a couple of family meetings to create a new family budget based on our new combined income but also changed the budget amount for not only the mundane things like transportation and restaurant but also fun things like shopping and coffee. 

The one brand new budget category we had to create was for an in-home nanny. We made the decision not to send Baby S to daycare because my parents and my husband’s parents offered help out a few days a week. This makes it so that the cost for a nanny (3 days a week) is relatively affordable. We also wanted to be able to keep Baby S home so we don’t have to drop her off/pick her up, and also minimize her exposure (therefore our exposure) to sickness/germs. It took some shuffling of allocations and we made it work within our budget.

2.      Simplifying things – wardrobe

One thing I was semi-worried about was getting my wardrobe in line again. It’s been almost two years since I’ve needed to go into a corporate office where “PJ all day” does not meet the dress code. So, imagine how elated I was when a web-based styling service company, Allume, reached out and asked me to try out their service.  

Once you sign up for Allume, they take a $20 fee for you to work 1:1 with a stylist that will learn about your wardrobe needs & styles through a questionnaire, and create three looks that you can purchase directly through vendors that are selling the pieces. The $20 styling fee also goes towards any purchases you make through Allume. They have kindly agreed to give my readers a 50% discount code to the styling fee – use “CHIC50” to use the service for only $10!

The below was the winning lookbook that my stylist, Michelle, created for me. I ended up purchasing the striped top through Neiman Marcus and the pair of gold chain earrings through the LOFT outlet. I wore them for my new brand photos and have been wearing them at work regularly! 

Due to COVID-19 and the number of us trying to work from home and practice social distancing, I can only imagine the Allume service will come in handy for many of us since shopping in any retail location is out of the picture at this point.

3.      Simplifying things – communicating things to do, buy, and take care of 

I’m sure this sounds very familiar to those of us that live in a house with a domestic partner of any kind. You are constantly trying to fit each other’s schedule and activities together, and despite all your efforts there still are times when one of you goes “we’re doing WHAT tomorrow??” Or you’re at the grocery store, standing in the dairy aisle trying to remember what kind of cheese your spouse told you to get, three times. 

The system that the husband and I have been leaning on is Google Keep. It’s a simple note-sharing app that you can both edit and see each other’s edits in real-time. We keep multiple shopping lists (Costco, local organic store, Trader Joes each has their own list) at all times, cross things out when we get them at the store, and re-build the list as we notice things that we need around the house. It’s made grocery shopping so much easier.  We also have packing lists for when we have to travel (not doing that for a while). Lastly, we use these Google Keep lists to keep track of the general house chores that need to be taken care of – like hanging up framed photos, donating old clothes, or rolling over my old 401K plan, etc. 

4.      Simplifying things – meal planning

To some of you, this may be a no-brainer or something you’ve been doing for a long time. It wasn’t for us. In the last few months we started to have more “crap, what can I make with a pack of sausage, celery, and half a cabbage?” moments than we liked in the middle of the week, an hour before dinner time. My husband usually shops for groceries with a recipe in mind. It’s me, the free spirit in the house, that tends to pick up some bell peppers and eggplant because they both look fresh and think “I’ll figure it out later” and end up not knowing what to do with them. And they both go bad. So, we decided to change that.

We curated a list of recipes with pictures of things that we have made in the past and know that we like eating. This repository of images and recipes is what we default to when we grocery shop and don’t have new ideas or time to find new ideas on what to cook. 

5.     Communicating better and more frequently

This is something that, as married couples, we should all be improving on, regardless of employment situation or if you’re a stay at home mom vs. working mom.  The truth is, when we get busy and get pulled in multiple directions toward things that all feel like priorities, we get so lost in our minds and we forget to simply talk to our spouse. Yes, you can use all these tools and tricks I mentioned above, but if you and your spouse are not communicating and communicating well, no tools will make you feel like you are rowing in the same direction and speed in this little boat we call life. So, how do you improve communication with your spouse?

Start out with intentions. Get on the same page with the need for better communication – you have to both acknowledge that you need to hear each other out! Once you’re in agreement, then set pre-determined times when you sit down with each other and talk it out.

Secondly, remove distractions. When you talk with each other, make sure it happens after most of the chores of the day have been completed, kids are in bed, and there aren’t other priorities tugging at you. Put the phone away, and yes, it’s hard, but do it. I still have to keep reminding myself to put my phone away when I talk to my husband about important stuff.

“No one wants to talk to a person who is always 50% focused on something else.”

Lastly, when you are talking about things on your mind, especially when it comes to feelings, start with the way that you feel, as opposed to what our partner did that made you feel that way. The truth is our intentions are usually good, but when we are reacting or panicking or just plain autopiloting sometimes, we aren’t aware of the consequences of our behavior or action. So when we start by the way we feel, we sound less accusatory. And what we really want is to stop feeling this way, not so much to make our spouse feel bad that they made us feel that way, right?

I hope my advice on how we transitioned, as a family, from me being a stay at home mom to a working mom. Really, whatever you do as a mom, let’s just take a moment and agree that it’s a hard job. And being a dad is also a hard job. We are stronger, better, and happier when we are in this together. Can you share your experience on how you and your partner made things work more efficiently and smoothly in your family life?

The post 5 Lifestyle Changes I Made to Transition from a SAHM to Working Mom appeared first on Cubicle Chic.

Recently, I checked off one of the biggest milestones I have so far in my career. I got an intern to manage! This is something that in interviewing with my current job I’d stressed to the team hiring me as something very important on my development wish list. Four months into this job, it came to fruition.

Being a blogger in the career development space, I live and breathe in inspirational and motivational techniques. For years I’ve been actively soaking up knowledge and experience. I’ve been blessed to have many great mentors in my life and have reaped the benefits of great mentorship. I simply couldn’t wait to start imparting wisdom and paying it forward with a work underling.

Being a manager is a transformative experience

So far, it’s been an amazingly rewarding experience. I attribute it to how enthusiastic, committed, dedicated and smart our newly hired intern is. What I wasn’t necessarily prepared for was how much being in the position of a manager started shifting my perspectives. As I prepared for onboarding and guiding the intern, I started to reflect on the interactions and relationships I’ve had with my former managers in different phases of my career. I started to see through many things that were puzzling to me before. A weird sense of sympathy and understanding started to develop. I started to see alternative explanations to when my emails weren’t returned, or when I was given a change in direction without explanation, or when I received sudden, unexpected, and less than pleasant feedback…

My newly developed perspective from being a manager

And I realized behind their actions on the surface, there were things that were either too difficult to explain, too obvious to explain, too unpredictable, or simply didn’t cross their minds. Managers are humans, too. They have their own anxieties and fears, and the worst of all is that they cannot necessarily share them with their employee. It dawned on me that there were probably things that my former managers wished I knew, but couldn’t tell me for one reason or another…

Being responsible for someone else’s success is a scary thing

Imagine your own goals, deadlines, stakeholders, and critics. Now, double that –yes, that’s what a manager essentially faces. Not only is a manager responsible for onboarding the new employee into the company, the culture, the systems and processes, and the people, a good manager is also responsible for help setting and meeting goals for the new employee. A wise mentor once said to me, at the start of any employer/employee relationship, an average manager appreciates a 30/60/90-Day plan, but a great manager asks for one. All of this involves getting to know the employee, understanding their personal drivers and motivators, finding out about their strengths and weaknesses, and eventually helping them establish tangible and realistic goals so they can be successful not only in this job but in their career. To do this, and more importantly, to do it well, takes intentionality, patience, and a lot of empathy. This is why empathy is often deemed as one of the most important qualities of a strong leader.

The manager doesn’t always have the answer

And it isn’t always so easy to admit it. Office politics aside, sometimes it’s hard to admit you just don’t know the answer, especially in front of someone you are supposed to teach and guide. Without an existing mutual trust and respect, “not knowing the answer” sometimes is a tough pill to swallow.

If you sense that your manager is shutting you off when you raise questions, or there is a general lack of response, sometimes what they need is simply a little more time. Be patient. Otherwise, go on step beyond and do your own research, and reach out and ask for validation of your findings. Your manager will appreciate it.

Sometimes we prefer the right attitude over the right qualifications/experiences

Working in large, matrixed organizations can sometimes be described as a constant state of problem-solving. The problems come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes they are large problems like having a resource constraint. Other times, they could be as small as missing a password. Regardless, a can-do attitude paired with a resourceful mindset can go a long way. Determining whether someone has the right problem-solving attitude is one of the hardest things to tell from an interview and yet it’s one of the more important traits a manager looks for in a new hire. For a manager, finding someone with this mentality can save them precious hours of their own time to be spent on their own projects.

Providing constructive criticism is actually REALLY hard

A criticism that is insensitive and delivered poorly only damages relationships, whereas a suggestion that doesn’t deliver impact is useless. Much has been written about how to deliver criticism, some say to treat them as feedback and not as an actual criticism, others say to be genuine and actually care, while some say to learn to tailor your feedback to the individual’s preference.  The volume of these articles points to the fact that many people are in need of this kind of advice and the fact that constructive criticism is a hard skill to master!

When a manager sees an area for improvement, it’s up to the manager to carefully find the right timing, the right way to deliver the right message. Yes, there are probably insensitive people in authority that will walk all over your feelings when they tell you that you messed up. But if you notice even a trace of reservation or thoughtfulness in your manager’s tone when they offer advice or feedback, trust that they probably thought a lot about it before bringing it up to you. Delivering criticism well takes a skilled manager. If you have one of those, take note that you are lucky!

Concluding thoughts…

I have always heard that being a manager is a transformative experience. In fact, many compare it to the experience of being a parent. There’s something about being responsible for someone else’s growth and wellbeing that inspires growth in and of itself. But what I’ve also realized is that being a good manager takes preparation, being intentional, a humble attitude, and most importantly, a lot of empathy.

All Photography by Natalie Alvarado @ Stylenfuse

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The post 4 Secrets Your Manager Wouldn’t Tell You But Wish You Knew appeared first on Cubicle Chic.