Life’s been moving at the speed of light for me lately. All within the last 3 months, I quit a 6-figure job, got married, got into a nearly fatal car accident and totaled the car that I’d just paid off 2 months prior, bought our first house, and now about to move into that house. Throughout all these ups and downs, one of the constants that remained is my writing and blogging on Cubicle Chic. Since I’ve started freelancing, content ideas have been flowing and I’ve gotten quite a number of new collaborations.

This got me thinking…

Am I successful? Or at least… am I on the verge of being successful?

Well, let’s look at how conventional wisdom defines success:

·      Consumerism and American culture pretty dictate that success is material possession. Having a lot of “stuff” – a nice car, a big house, or expensive jewelry… means success.

·      Religious and spiritual teachings say that the state of contentment or a state of no more “wanting” is the ultimate goal.

·      In Corporate America, in the most black-and-white-no-gray-area way, success is defined by power and high positions.

But all of us can name at least one person in our life that has one of these things but still not happy, satisfied, or fulfilled.

Whether you’re on an uphill, downhill or a flat-out slump in life, I’m sure this question has crossed your mind about where this pursuit of success is supposed to lead you. When would you ever feel OK to not hustle and strife anymore, and would we ever be able to stop and pat ourselves on the back and admire our success, and just be content? It’s human to instinctively want to pursue success, but it’s also human to wonder just how to define success so we know we are “successful”?

So, what is success? How do we ever know we are “successful” and how do we define success?

Success is a process. Recognize the bits and pieces as it happens

If we recognize the state of pursuing success as a continuous process, we must admit that it isn’t about what happens at the very end, or the big bow that we’re able to put on this whole process. It’s about counting all forms of success like the way we are told to count our blessings. Success isn’t one big thing, it’s many small things. Finishing a marathon isn’t the only form of success, it’s the pre-training, the start of the race, the persevering in the last 3 miles, and crossing the finish line. Success only feels fleeting because we recognize it at the end and we forget to celebrate the beginning and the middle.

“It feels like we constantly chasing a goal and even after we reach it, we’re ready for something more. The chase seems to be what drives us more than the actual “prize.” This happens to millennials more often because we’ve grown up in a world of instant gratification— binge watching a show, order anything to be delivered, and even getting SAT scores instantly. These things make it difficult to grasp and enjoy success when it’s happening to us. To help me recognize my “success” and at the very least enjoy it more, I’ve been keeping a gratitude journal and each night I write down 3-5 things that went well that day and I’m grateful for. I do this because I’ve defined success as a process, and the process is that I’m moving forward so keeping a journal helps me with that.”- Lauren McGoodwin, Founder & CEO of Career Contessa

Success is being in the driver seat of your life and taking it wherever your heart desires

We know we’re supposed to “follow our dream” and “pursue our passion” but the truth is not all of us graduate college knowing what we want to do in life. And even for those of us who have a clear goal, we may not always be in the position (financial, education, resources, what have you) to pursue that goal.

So, whether you mentally will yourself to put in the work after your 9-5 to grow your blog (Cubicle Chic has been my after-work project for almost 2 years now!) or you have saved up from a salaried job so could afford to be unemployed and pursuing your true passion, or that you went through years of schooling to be able to work in a profession that you’ve had a calling to do, I would count these all as success.

“Success isn’t what you think you should do, rather, it’s following what you want to do. The biggest success in my eyes is using your talents and skills daily to achieve what your heart truly wants without thinking about society’s definition of prestige, wealth, and expectations. Crafting an ideal life you truly want to live is the ultimate definition of success. “ – Emily Liou, Career Coach and Founder of Cultivitae

Have your own measure of success

Social media has fundamentally changed our way of life. Most significantly, it changed the way information travels. We are now 100x times more aware of what people have accomplished, not only because people are more likely to flaunt it, but also because our eyes are peeled to our phones where such information is displayed.

How can we not look at our own wardrobe and feel like we need to buy one more dress when we see posts after posts of beautifully styled outfits? How can we not feel like we need to work harder when we see our college classmate getting a coveted promotion? How can we need feel like we need to renovate our kitchen when we see our neighbors brand new cooking space?

The answer is not letting others dictate what you want to create, own, or achieve. If you see someone else achieving something you want to achieve, understand where achieving those goals fit in your life. I’ve seen so many bloggers creating a blog for the wrong reasons – fame or quick money, and they get burned out so quickly because their goals they chase were never theirs. When you chase someone else’s goal, you tend to get lost in the process because you never fully understood the WHY. Have a goal, YOUR OWN goal, and know why you want to achieve this goal. That’s when the “chase” becomes meaningful and you don’t get burnt out.

 “From what I’ve learned, the perception of success comes from setting an aim and accomplishing it. Life is always changing and there are always going to be another aim or goal. Don’t ever think that you’ve done enough but don’t let that bring you down. There are always going to be people ten steps ahead of you but there are also going to be people ten steps behind you. It’s the nature of the business. I really believe in going at your own pace and running your own race in your own time. I’m still learning and don’t exactly feel “successful” but I feel satisfied with the progress I’m making so I guess that’s a kind of success!” – Sangyay Chen, Model and Blogger @ Itssangtime

There’s no such thing as a selfish success. True success is always a collective one.

This is one of my more recent realizations. It dawned on me that helping others makes me feel really good about myself, so good that I’d call that feeling successful. When I answer a reader’s question about salary negotiations, when I point someone who’s lost in their career in the right direction, when I help someone pick out a week’s worth of outfits for a really important conference… all of these things make me want to do more what I do on Cubicle Chic.

And being in a position to help others, to have materials to teach others, to me, is a success. Being successful means being willing and able to help others achieve their goals, and through that, help them become successful.

If you exclude others in your process of reaching success, you won’t feel successful.

“Success is a team sport and is only achieved by bringing others along on your journey and lifting others up to achieve their goals. “ – Kelly Hoey, Investor, Business Strategist, & Author of Build Your Dream Network 

Have you felt lost in the pursuit of success?

Remember, when you feel the urge to find the definition of success, just do the following:  1) recognize smaller successes because it’s not about the finish line, 2) know that if you’re actively pursuing success, you’re semi-successful, 3) pursue your own goals so the process of pursuit will feel meaningful, 4) help others succeed along the way. You don’t regret it!

All photography by Natalie Alvarado @ Stylenfuse

The post How To Define Success || 4 Theories From 4 Successful Business Women appeared first on Cubicle Chic.

Spring is upon us!

But before we delve fully into florals and pastel colors only, let’s talk about a fail-safe outfit template that I’ve stumbled upon recently: comfy trousers with a sporty flare topped with a nude trench vest that’s warm and versatile for the Spring weather.

For all of you ladies out there that rock pencil skirts in the office, you have my respect. I have tried and tried, I just couldn’t tolerate how uncomfortable pencil skirts are. So for me comfy trousers are my go-to type of pants. This Tobi piece nailed it with how comfortable they are, and the stripe on the side makes it look just that much more styled and slightly more casual too. That’s why I have to couple it with something that has little more polished edge to it. Hence the trench coat…

 Pants: Tobi Black & White Sporty Spice Pants Trench Vest: similar here & here Bag: C/O Coach, Coach Dinky crossbody Bag  Pants: Tobi Black & White Sporty Spice Pants Trench Vest: similar here & here Bag: C/O Coach, Coach Dinky crossbody Bag  Pants: Tobi Black & White Sporty Spice Pants Trench Vest: similar here & here Bag: C/O Coach, Coach Dinky crossbody Bag

It’s a short one today. This is about it!

As I continue my job search a.k.a funemployment, I plan on blogging more often. What kind of topics would you like to see, interview outfits, cocktail hour after work outfits, or other more getting-ready type of content?? Let me know

P.S. This is not s sponsored post. I have purchased all my outfits. The only exception was the handbag – the Coach Dinky bag was gifted to me last year.

All Photography by Natalie Alvarado @ Stylenfuse

 Pants: Tobi Black & White Sporty Spice Pants Trench Vest: similar here & here Bag: C/O Coach, Coach Dinky crossbody Bag

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Hi you! Thank you for tuning in from your busy schedule. I promise you this is a good one!!

I’m launching an exciting new series called Career Girl Chat on Cubicle Chic (# CGCCC, possibly??), where I interview #GirlBoss who are passionate about their career and love what they do. Together, we’ll probe them with challenging questions and get them to spill the secret ingredient to their career success!

First #GirlBoss On Career Girl Chat

This week, I’m taking you guys with me to peer into the career profile of the one and only Amanda Weiss (@theamandaweiss), Marketing Manager at Poshmark. If you’ve interacted with Poshmark in any way, shape or form on digital media (like their hilarious Facebook page), you’ve probably seen Amanda’s work. She heads up Poshmark’s social media and brand marketing team which includes influencer marketing, events and community management. She’s even Emcee’d at the annual PoshFest conference four years in a row, if you can believe it. Yes, it’s no secret that she’s devoted to a very demanding job that blurs the line between work and personal time. Yet, if you’ve met her at Poshmark events, read her quirky and cheeky Tweets, or seen those high energy/fast pace Facebook Trend Report Live videos, it’s clear that she enjoys what she does and is absolutely passionate about it. So how does she do it??? Let’s dive in and find out how she got to where she is today, and if everything’s always been peaches and cream, as one may think.

First off, a round of Rapid-Fire Questions –

What was your

1)     Major in college?

2)     First job?

3)     Lastly, how many resumes did you send out before you got your first and last job offer?

Amanda: I went to FIDM and got an associate degree in Fashion Merchandising/Marketing then went on to get a bachelor degree in business with a focus in marketing. My first job out of school was being a server at a restaurant to pay the bills, but I spent every minute of my down time job searching for a fashion relation position. In my free time I was also working for free at places like LA Fashion Week and steaming clothes and coordinating details at these events. Before I got my first job offer, I sent out at least 10-15 resumes every week.

When you first graduated from college, did you know that you’d end up where you are today, why or why not?

Amanda: I’ve always wanted to work in “fashion” since I was in high school. But didn’t understand what the industry was like and what it took to work in fashion. For a while I thought I would end up in fashion merchandising and styling because of my experience and degree. But with blogging, social media and all the changes that we’ve seen, the industry is a very different place today. So I had no idea this is where I’d end up. I have just grown and developed and rolled with the punches and using everything to my advantage.

Are you happy with where you are in your career? If you were to name three things you have to have in your career/employment, what are they?

Amanda: I am so passionate about what I do and it’s led me to where I am today. I love Poshmark as a company and also everything that comes with it, the people I work with but also the people I’ve met because of Poshmark. At the same time I think work/life balance is very important, even though I am a workaholic. But for me, what makes me good at what I do is the fact that I love what I do, so a lot of times it doesn’t feel like work. Along the same line, being able to have fun when you work is very important. Fun always makes work easier to do!

What’s your experience with mentorship like, who were your mentors and are you mentoring anyone now?

Amanda: Generally speaking I am an open book and I let my guard down very easily. As a result, I feel like people really respond to that, so I actually get a lot of people reach out to me about how I got my job, to critique their resume, or chat about their job search process. I am very community oriented, so I love connecting with and helping people.

In terms of people that mentor me, at Poshmark I am surrounded by very talented people that are always elevating me. They saw potential in me early on and really value what I do personally and professionally. I’ve been given the chance to shine here so I am very appreciative of that.

If you look back in the past 5-10 years, what were the most important experiences that propelled you to where you are today?

Amanda: A turning point in my career was when I was laid off from my last job before Poshmark. I had already accumulated decent amount of experience, and decided to take a chance at another start-up. When they laid of me off, it definitely made me feel lost, especially when they did it right before the holiday that year and I had an apartment and bills to pay. Someone else would probably have been so devastated and just give up. For me, I picked myself back up right away and let this experience fuel me to find the next opportunity that I really deserved. And I did! Because I was familiar with Poshmark, I saw they were looking for a fashion intern – and although I was way overqualified for the position, I sent in my resume because I just had a feeling Poshmark was for me and that they were going somewhere and I had to be part of it.

Another belief I’ve cultivated over the years is that you’re never too good for a job, and it’s important to pay your dues when you start out. In your career, things don’t get handed to you on a silver platter no matter how many followers you have on Instagram. No matter how much small the task you’re assigned to, if you’re dedicated and give it your all, it will show the kind of person you are and the potential you have.

This quote may be a cliché but it is nothing but true: “Work hard, stay humble, and be kind.”

Now the dreaded “what do you want to be in 5/10 years” question…how do you typically answer questions like this?

Amanda: I 1000% want to grow the team I’m managing now and at the same time expand the different areas in marketing for Poshmark such as more videos, influencer programs, events, creative content, and all the new digital channels that are out there.

Aside from work though, I would like to get to a point where I have a better work/life balance. I want to get to a place where I can also reward myself for all the hard work I’ve put in.

Every 6 months I do a review and look back on what my team and I had done, but with all the changes like Insta-stories sometimes it’s hard to predict the future. The point is that a lot of times growth comes from unexpected places and we should embrace the unknown and dive right in!

If you have experience in interviewing/recruiting new employees, what do you look for in candidates for positions that don’t require years of experience?

Amanda: It’s almost funny, but I can spot a good candidate before meeting them. It’s very important for the candidate to be mindful of the hiring manager’s time and show that they’ve really done the homework to understand their potential employer. Take the cover letter, for example. If 9 out of 10 sentences are about the candidate and nothing about the company, that’s a red flag to me.

Think of your cover letter as an opportunity. Even though it’s not always required, it’s an opportunity to show your personality, connect with the person reading it, and that it could let you stand out. Just like on social media where authenticity is key, your cover letter is just the same – are you showing who you really are and your true interest in the position/company you’re interviewing for.

During the interview process, it’s also very important to have at least 3 solid questions to ask the interviewer because it shows that you really took the time to study the company and understand what the job requires.

Lastly, what’s your go-to office outfit, and what is one piece of clothing you can’t live without?

Amanda: Lucky for me I’ve always worked in the start-up environment so I’ve been able to wear whatever I want. Most of the time it involves something bold, colorful, and makes a statement. Sneakers are the piece that I can’t live without. I re-buy multiple pairs of the same pair of sneakers if I know I would wear a lot. Adidas Superstars and Converse are my go-tos.

The post Career Girl Chat || Work hard, stay humble, and be kind. Opportunities will follow. appeared first on Cubicle Chic.

The truth is that most people have some form of fear of public speaking, We’ve all been there: dealing with the knot in our stomach, the sinking feeling of doom, and that the world is going to end when people find out about your deadly fear of speaking in front of a crowd.  For those of us that want to become better speakers, we try to find articles on how to improve presentation skills, find resources to get practice like joining a Toastmaster group, or going through paid trainings like the Dale Carnegie programs. Here is my confession: I have tried them ALL. I’ve even seen therapists for my stage freight. My fear was THAT real.

What you’re about to read next is not written by some expert or experienced speaker. It is written by yours truly, who’s had a severe, diagnosed form of public speaking anxiety. After a lot of trial and tribulations, I am proud to say that I can now finally give presentations and speak to a crowd well. However, the road to this blissful destination was no walk in the park. I lived and breathed this debilitating fear for years. First, there were 2 years of business school, where presentation was required for almost every single class. After that, I entered into the workforce in the field of marketing, where I regularly had to report-out business analytics to teams of 5+ people, often involving upper management. I’ve had countless moments where I contemplated faking a car accident or wondering what would happen if I just dashed out of the meeting room door and never came back. “Is it better for people to think I’m weird/crazy/unreliable, or that I’m bad at public speaking?” was a constant question in my head, whenever I was tasked to speak publicly.

Preface: Here’s My Motivation To Become A Better Speaker

For most of my 20’s, the idea of being a poised speaker one day was an eternal impossibility to me. I knew the problem was in me: that fear was in my head, deeply rooted based on traumatizing experiences and negative self-talk. I read and read, researched and researched; I even sought help from therapists about this anxiety. For years, I was trapped in this cocoon of “I’m just destined to be bad at it”, despite my outward effort in trying to get better. Yet, I kept at it. There was something in me that kept pushing myself to be a better speaker. In hindsight, I attribute it to the people that I was surrounded by. They believed in me and they constantly told me that I DO have what it takes, that I do have a way of garnering attention when I DO speak without anxiety kicking in, and that I always had unique and distinct points to share. This mirrored my internal drive of becoming a successful businesswoman, having my own ground to stand on, and the ability to realize my own aspirations and inspire people to do the same. So, I never stopped attempting to better my public speaking skills.

After having said all of that, I want to share with you the things that I’ve done that helped me along this journey. I am not where I want to be yet, but recent experiences have shown me that I can at least be comfortable in speaking in front of a crowd. But there are MORE, oh SO MANY MORE areas that I can improve on. So here it goes:

7 Things That I’ve Done To Curb My Deadly Fear Of Public Speaking:

1) Find out what the root case(s) of your anxiety is (are)

This may sound really abstract at first, but here’s what I mean. Psychologically speaking, our emotional reactions, especially the more extreme ones, often have external triggers. These triggers are usually associated with life events where we may not even be aware of their effects.

Regardless of our natural tendencies as introverts or extroverts, what were your experiences like growing up when it comes to public speaking? Were your parents and close ones not supportive and encouraging of you to express your opinion? Are there people around you that are afraid of public speaking or just expressing their opinion? These are all factors that could contribute to us having fear or anxiety in speaking publically.

Perhaps you’re like me in that English wasn’t your mother tongue or native language. For those of us who learned English as a second language, we may have beliefs in our head that we just don’t’ have as good a command of English.

Or maybe, you actually have a lot of good public speakers in your life as positive influence. They are great examples of what good speakers should be like, but they make you feel like it’s an unreachable goal and that you could ever be like them.

All of these could contribute to your anxiety toward public speaking. If you can’t figure this out on your own and you REALLY want to find out, find an anxiety specialist to talk to. I have seen a few in my late 20’s and I have learned different things from each and every therapist. Oftentimes when our anxiety kicks in, we’re not able to stop it because each thought is so closely associated with the emotion it triggers; seeing a therapist can sometimes help you learn how to slow that thinking process down which is the first step in taking control of your anxiety.  

2) Know what is driving you in wanting to become a better public speaker 

For me, it’s the fact that that I have this intrinsic belief that I have the potential to be a great speaker; it’s an identity that I feel the urge to realize. On top of that, being a marketing professional, I know the power of persuasion of a great speech. Therefore, all my efforts has been toward aligning my external behavior to this internal belief.

What is your motivation to become a better speaker? Is it a good grade you need in a class? Is it to impress someone? Is it because it feels like everyone else is a good speaker and you’re not? While all of these could be legitimate reasons to fuel you and keep you in your efforts, they’re not lasting motivations. Because they’re not aligned with your internal values and are not based on things that define who you are. Find out what your intrinsic motivations are by asking yourself this question:

o   If I don’t master public speaking, I will feel ____, because I won’t be able to ____.

Take some time to think about it if the answers aren’t immediately clear. But you should be able to complete the sentence with clear words to fill in the blank if being a good public speaker is aligned with your intrinsic values and motivations.

3) When you’re not confident, try memorizing your script and practice endlessly. 

You will likely hear mixed opinion on this suggestion, but it worked for me. The fact is that if you’re shaking and not able to even speak, it’s better to sound like you’re reading from a script than just freezing in front of the crowd.

Also, practice your speech/presentation till you have nothing left to practice. Practice it so well that when you’re saying one sentence you already know what’s going to follow next. Just face and embrace the fact that when you’re less skilled in public speaking, this is what you have to do to make up for the lack of experience.

4)  Pay attention to your body language.

If you haven’t yet, watch Amy Cuddy’s Ted Talk on the power of body language. It changed my life, and it could change yours. The science on this method is controversial, but I know for a fact that it worked for me. More importantly, it gave me something to work on when I’m dealing with the jitters. What I used to do 10 minutes before I had to give presentations was to lock myself in an empty conference room or even in the lady’s room, and just spread my arms, stand tall with my chest up, telling myself “You’re going to OWN that audience.”

A more advanced tip along the same line is to watch your body language during your presentation. This also applies to when you’re in a business setting in general.  I’ve included a few good ones here:   

A.     Sit in the front of the room

B.     Don’t play with your hair

C.     Speak UP when you are speaking

D.     Speak TOWARD your audience and not the computer screen or projector screen

Remember that great mentor I talked about a few weeks ago? I learned all of these tips from her.

5)  Seek help. Seek professional help.

Go to a Toastmaster meeting. I have gone a few times and the format of my local meeting didn’t work for me so I didn’t necessarily benefit from the Toastmaster group. But thousands of people have. Give it a try… it can’t hurt.

If your company has development funds set aside for employees, take one of those public speaking trainings. They typically last 2 days, and you are required to give presentations based on particular topics. The best (or worst) part is that you are taped and a professional speaker will then review the tape with you to find out ways you can improve for your next speech. I know Dale Carnegie and American Management Association both offer classes like this.

And if you feel like you’ve tried everything and you still find the fear overwhelming (which I did), find a psychologist or psychiatrist to talk to. Not all psycho-therapies are made equal and everyone needs different levels of interference.  I am simply making this recommendation because it worked for me, so take it with a grain of salt.  

6) Learn how to channel your jitters and re-process it as excitement instead of nervousness

Research has proven it again and again that the the way our body reacts in response to fear and excitement are very similar, if not identical. Learn techniques on how to convince yourself that you are positively excited for the event, as opposed to being scared and wanting to escape. It’s reported a lot in research that when people are told they are “excited” about something, that are much more likely to report higher rate of success than people that are told they are “nervous”. 

I personally make little flash cards (very little for ease of storage and carrying around) that helps guide my thinking and keep my thoughts going in the positive direction. Notes on these cards include “You’ve prepared for this for so long. You are ready” or “No one is as much of an expert as you are on this topic. They are here to learn from you.” or “This is your chance to knock them out with your awesomeness and preparedness. You are going to rock the audience!” Yes, they borderline sound hypnotic, but this is the nature of our thought processes: very malleable and so easily influenced by our surrounding. Learn how to take control of it. 

7)  Lastly, volunteer to speak publicly.

This is the last step for a reason – do this ONLY after you’ve done all of the above, and know what you have in the tool kit for dealing with the queasiness and jitters. Then, look for those opportunities where you’d be able to put all the skills you’ve acquired to use.

I recently started volunteering to speaking engagement and it has been incredibly rewarding. 2 months ago at Taiwanese American Professionals, I was part of a panel of 8 and spoke about my heritage, cultural shift as an immigrant, and my views toward the future as an immigrant young professionalt. Just this past weekend, I was invited to speak at PoshFest as a panel of 2 for a workshop on sales and marketing tactics for how to improve your Poshmark closet.

In both events I was able to share my personal stories, my perspectives on various issues, and provide information to educate, inspire and empower the audience. Both times I had people that came to me after the event to tell me that they learned something new from me and that I have inspired them. Yes, it’s an ego booster and huge compliments. But more importantly, it made me realize that what I have to say is valuable and worthwhile, that my life experiences haven’t been for nothing. All the ups and downs I’ve gone through have put in in the position I’m in today and someone else benefits from my experience as a result of my speaking engagement. It’s so, so, so empowering.

What’s your public speaking story?

The post How I Conquered My Deadly Fear In Public Speaking appeared first on Cubicle Chic.

There are the obvious benefits of having a mentor – someone who shows you the ropes, helps with career planning and guidance, is there to offer advice when you encounter problems. But…

But if this is all your mentor provides for you, you might have what I call a “basic mentor.” Finding a basic mentor, or any mentor for that matter, is not an easy task. Finding a great mentor, though? Flat out difficult.

Here are some signs that your mentor is more than basic.

5 TRAITS OF A GREAT MENTOR

1) THEY HELP YOU DISCOVER YOUR PROFESSIONAL STRENGTHS

If your mentor knows you well enough and happens to work in the same organization as you do, they should be able to observe you, your performance, and your impact. Over time, this gives them the advantage to pinpoint where you’ve made the biggest contribution, and guide you on how to hone in on those skill sets involved. Even if they don’t work in your office, they should regularly ask you the kinds of pointed, critical questions that force you to assess your own work and professional style. A great mentor won’t tell you what to do—they’ll help you think critically.

2) AND POINT YOU TOWARD CAREER RESOURCES THAT WILL CHALLENGE AND DEVELOP YOU

As a continuation of knowing your strength, a great mentor will regularly suggest how and where to find resources to develop yourself. Working on public speaking? “Try Toastmasters or Amy Cuddy’s latest book.” Need help with manipulating large amount of data that Excel can’t handle? “Look into Tableau.” Part of what makes a good mentor is the mentor’s own ability to keep up with technologies and latest resources for refining a trade and continuous self-improvement. Look for someone who’s eager and curious about their work and industry and who loves to share.

3) THEY’RE YOUR DEVIL’S ADVOCATE AND BIGGEST CHEERLEADER (AT THE SAME TIME)

One of the most valuable things a mentor can do with is to help you evaluate your options when you hit a “fork” in your career path and need to make a decision. A good mentor will help expand your thinking and make sure your thought processes cover as many aspects of your life, professional and personal, as possible. They’ll ask the toughest questions. And when you’ve made a decision, they will support you and cheer you on.

4) THEY GIVE YOU HONEST AND CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM

Receiving and giving criticism is an art form, to say the least. We all have cringe-worthy memories of giving or receiving criticism. If done well, though, it takes mentorship from good to great. This step requires a mutually trusting relationship between you and your mentor—it takes you being open and vulnerable, and your mentor being honest and tactful.

5) THEY GROW WITH YOU

This is probably the most difficult aspect to cultivate in a mentorship if it doesn’t spontaneously develop over time. The truth is that people change. We hear the same thing about romantic relationships, in which two partners have to be open and honest about the changes in their thinking, beliefs, strengths, and weaknesses. A good mentor has to be aware of your growth and his or her own growth. This means there may be a time, when your needs as a mentee evolve beyond their capacity as a mentor. Or there may also be a time when your mentor is taking on new challenges in their life, where you can reverse the roles and for you to offer up advice. Again, this takes a strong foundation in your relationship and a ton of trust. The goal here is to evolve with each other.

MY PERSONAL STORY

Why do I know all of this? It comes from years of having a great mentorship. This mentorship started with me being hired into my first job right after graduate school in 2011. That was the first time this mentorship changed my career—actually, it essentially started it! My mentor was my then boss and hiring manager. Two years into this job as a temp, after pushing mountains (i.e. a 6-month hiring freeze) for me, I was converted to a full-time employee. This was the second time my mentor “saved” me. And earlier this year, I was given the opportunity to take on a new role, and this opportunity was offered by the same mentor. In hindsight, if it wasn’t for this opportunity, it’s highly possible that I would’ve gotten laid off. Needless to say, I am extremely grateful.

HOW TO FIND YOUR OWN GREAT MENTOR

Much has been written on the topic of how to find a mentor (by Huffington Post, LinkedIn, and Refinery 29, to name a few), and they’re certainly a great place to start. But you also have to consider why you want a mentor, and how having a mentor will change you and your career.

This brings me to a very critical component of mentorship—your effort. A great mentor goes out of their way to ensure the success of their mentee. But that relationship can only exist because the mentees seek and prepare. Like most things, the amount of energy you invest will contribute to what you actually get out of your mentorship. Without preparation and effort, mentorship devolves into a series of handshakes and stiff meetings—nothing more.

SOME TIPS

• If you’re on track with your career path, start with who you know. Do you have a more senior coworker who you admire or a boss? See if they’d grab a cup of coffee with you to discuss their own career.
• If you’re not sure where you want your career to go—consider informational interviews. They’re a great way to network and learn about an industry that interests you.  [link to our informational interviews 101 piece]
• Attend networking events, then actually follow up with people who you found inspiring. See if they’ll meet you for a drink or coffee. If it’s a good fit, stay on top of communicating with them regularly.
• Try Career Contessa’s Hire a Mentor platform. This is kind of a cheat, but hey, there’s nothing wrong with finding a shortcut. You can pick the mentor that best fits your professional path and interests, then book a one-on-one session to kickstart a job search or plan some career goals.

(This article was published on Career Contessa on 9/5/2016)

I’d like to hear about your mentorship stories! Whether you are a mentor or a mentee, share away!

The post 5 Hidden Benefits of Having a Great Mentor & How to Find one on your own appeared first on Cubicle Chic.

Imagine answering this question as your 5 year-old, 10 year-old, and 15 year-old self. The answer may not have been the same, but I bet the certainty about whatever you wanted to become, dwindled over time. And what DID we want to be? A writer, an animal shelter owner, maybe a coffee shop barista. For me, it certainly wasn’t corporate marketing in the tech sector or even a lifestyle blogger.

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But somewhere along the last 30 years, I gained more skills, learned more about myself, found out the possibilities of professions that exist out there. My options became plenty, but the certainty shrank in what I want to become when I grow up.

The one scenario in which we have to seriously consider this question, as adults, is often during an interview. When a potential job offer is at stake, this question becomes that much more delicate and difficult to tackle. So I’ve come up with a list of questions to help you shape your thinking and get closer to the answer. Answer to yourself honestly, and based on those answer, you can craft an interview appropriate response.

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How do you answer “where do you see yourself in 5/10/15 years”, which is basically “what do you want to be when you grow up?” in the adult world.

I would segment your thinking into two areas: professional, and personal.

In your personal life, in 5/10/15 years:

What motivates you to get out of bed every morning?
How high does work rank in your overall life in terms of priority?
Who do you spend the most time with outside of work?
What do you do for fun?
Do you see yourself getting married and/or starting a family?
Do you live in the city, suburbs, the mountains, or a coastal city?

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In your professional life, in 5/10/15 years:

Why do you have a job, is it just for financial support os is it a fulfilling cause?
Are you managing people, being responsible for their development?
What kind of hours do you work, 9-5 or freelance?
Are you a single contributor or do you work in a team?
Do you have entrepreneurial aspirations?
Do you work in a global setting or more regionally focused?
What does financial success mean to you?

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This is how I crafted my plan based on the approach above:

Having ownership over creative and challenging work is what motivates me every morning, the first thing I think of when I wake up. Work is a priority because it’s a source of (really good) income but also something that keeps me on my toes and hungry for intellectual growth. I hang out with friends that I share common interests within my free time, and spend just as much time with close family. I snowboard in the winter, surf in the summer, go on hikes, enjoy yoga, and rock climbing. I love being outdoors. I live in the suburb with my husband, possibly some kids, and not too far from my parents.

Work-wise, I work alongside a bunch of driven, inspiring, and kind people. I lead projects as well as people. I take ownership of my job and I trive to make an impact in everything I do. I find the idea of starting my own business interesting, but I think after my kids are older is probably the better time to take more serious actions toward the idea. I also work in a global setting in my work, dealing with people from different continents, and constantly applying my fluency in Mandarin Chinese. I think of financial success as having a good control over my daily budget and expense, and earning good enough an income where I can save, and occasionally indulge in nice vacations or occasionally more materialistic things.

With these two paragraphs as the basis,  I now feel much more confident answering the question “where do you see yourself in 5/10/15 years” now. What do your two paragraphs look like?

The post What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up? appeared first on Cubicle Chic.

Ever since I went to PoshFest 2015 last year with no entourage and ended up making a bunch of lasting friendships, I feel like I’ve conquered networking, the fear of talking to successful, possibly intimidating, people doesn’t deter me from making connections anymore. So when I saw that Career Contessa was having this “Interview Do’s and Don’ts” net working event, I signed up without thinking twice.

P.S. A side note about Career Contessa in case you didn’t know about them. Think professional career focused Refinery29 customized for professional women, and with insight and guidance like ones seen on Glassdoor.com and Salary.com. The Career Contessa company tagline is ““A career resource for women who want more and are daring enough to get it.” I’ve been a Career Contessa reader since early 2015 and their content has become SO insightful and so in-depth. My recent favorite is a article on salary growth of a VP in Marketing and how he/she went from making 45K to 156K in 10 years.

 Job Search Do’s and Don’ts by Career Contessa and Six Degree Society Photo by Kathrina Sio  Job Search Do’s and Don’ts by Career Contessa and Six Degree Society Photo by Kathrina Sio

Initially, what attracted me to this event was the impressive line-up of panelist: recruiters from Nasty Gal, Hulu, and Glassdoor dishing out insider information on how interviewers can succeed during job searches. What I didn’t know about, was how awesome the “curated networking” which was the work of Six Degree Society, was going to turn out.

I am going into the 8th year of my professional career, and I’ve gone to a lot of networking events. I have not gone to one with such nicely established structure for attendees to engage with each other, without awkward games or artificial conversations. I was paired with Amber and Natalie, who both have digital media experience and ambition to do great things in their content creation journey. (I also met Connie, not through the pairing but just good ole networking). Six Degree Society studied carefully the bio I provided and paired me with people who share similar or complementary experience or skill sets as me. My conversation with Amber and Natalie felt naturally engaging and we all learned so much from one another. In fact, I already know there will be collaborations on the horizon with these #girlbosses soon!

Besides the free drinks, awesome freebies, and all the socializing, I learned a few things that were pretty surprising (to me at least):

1) Treat your recruiter as your best advocate. They want you to succeed almost as much as you do! Be transparent with them, be comfortable with them, and count on them.

2) Don’t show up too early for an interview. Thirty minutes is too early; try arriving there 15-5 minutes beforehand. If you’re early, chill in your car or a coffee shop.

3) Have the salary conversation earlier in the interview process rather than later. Do it in a tactful way. You don’t always have to reveal your current salary level (my personal opinion is that you should never disclose this info), but this is to make sure your desired salary range matches the company’s budget.

4) Men and women have very different negotiation tactics; men tend to be more fact based in their negotiations, and women tend to list more emotionally based reasons. Whether you’re a man or woman, approach this subject with your worth (based on your experience and public data) and not personal reasons or life circumstances.

What are your interview must-do’s and must-not-do’s? If you’re an interviewer, what’s your biggest pet peeve?

The post 4 Secrets I Learned From A Job Search Networking Event appeared first on Cubicle Chic.