Life’s been moving at the speed of light for me lately. All within the last 3 months, I quit a 6-figure job, got married, got into a nearly fatal car accident and totaled the car that I’d just paid off 2 months prior, bought our first house, and now about to move into that house. Throughout all these ups and downs, one of the constants that remained is my writing and blogging on Cubicle Chic. Since I’ve started freelancing, content ideas have been flowing and I’ve gotten quite a number of new collaborations.

This got me thinking…

Am I successful? Or at least… am I on the verge of being successful?

Well, let’s look at how conventional wisdom defines success:

·      Consumerism and American culture pretty dictate that success is material possession. Having a lot of “stuff” – a nice car, a big house, or expensive jewelry… means success.

·      Religious and spiritual teachings say that the state of contentment or a state of no more “wanting” is the ultimate goal.

·      In Corporate America, in the most black-and-white-no-gray-area way, success is defined by power and high positions.

But all of us can name at least one person in our life that has one of these things but still not happy, satisfied, or fulfilled.

Whether you’re on an uphill, downhill or a flat-out slump in life, I’m sure this question has crossed your mind about where this pursuit of success is supposed to lead you. When would you ever feel OK to not hustle and strife anymore, and would we ever be able to stop and pat ourselves on the back and admire our success, and just be content? It’s human to instinctively want to pursue success, but it’s also human to wonder just how to define success so we know we are “successful”?

So, what is success? How do we ever know we are “successful” and how do we define success?

Success is a process. Recognize the bits and pieces as it happens

If we recognize the state of pursuing success as a continuous process, we must admit that it isn’t about what happens at the very end, or the big bow that we’re able to put on this whole process. It’s about counting all forms of success like the way we are told to count our blessings. Success isn’t one big thing, it’s many small things. Finishing a marathon isn’t the only form of success, it’s the pre-training, the start of the race, the persevering in the last 3 miles, and crossing the finish line. Success only feels fleeting because we recognize it at the end and we forget to celebrate the beginning and the middle.

“It feels like we constantly chasing a goal and even after we reach it, we’re ready for something more. The chase seems to be what drives us more than the actual “prize.” This happens to millennials more often because we’ve grown up in a world of instant gratification— binge watching a show, order anything to be delivered, and even getting SAT scores instantly. These things make it difficult to grasp and enjoy success when it’s happening to us. To help me recognize my “success” and at the very least enjoy it more, I’ve been keeping a gratitude journal and each night I write down 3-5 things that went well that day and I’m grateful for. I do this because I’ve defined success as a process, and the process is that I’m moving forward so keeping a journal helps me with that.”- Lauren McGoodwin, Founder & CEO of Career Contessa

Success is being in the driver seat of your life and taking it wherever your heart desires

We know we’re supposed to “follow our dream” and “pursue our passion” but the truth is not all of us graduate college knowing what we want to do in life. And even for those of us who have a clear goal, we may not always be in the position (financial, education, resources, what have you) to pursue that goal.

So, whether you mentally will yourself to put in the work after your 9-5 to grow your blog (Cubicle Chic has been my after-work project for almost 2 years now!) or you have saved up from a salaried job so could afford to be unemployed and pursuing your true passion, or that you went through years of schooling to be able to work in a profession that you’ve had a calling to do, I would count these all as success.

“Success isn’t what you think you should do, rather, it’s following what you want to do. The biggest success in my eyes is using your talents and skills daily to achieve what your heart truly wants without thinking about society’s definition of prestige, wealth, and expectations. Crafting an ideal life you truly want to live is the ultimate definition of success. “ – Emily Liou, Career Coach and Founder of Cultivitae

Have your own measure of success

Social media has fundamentally changed our way of life. Most significantly, it changed the way information travels. We are now 100x times more aware of what people have accomplished, not only because people are more likely to flaunt it, but also because our eyes are peeled to our phones where such information is displayed.

How can we not look at our own wardrobe and feel like we need to buy one more dress when we see posts after posts of beautifully styled outfits? How can we not feel like we need to work harder when we see our college classmate getting a coveted promotion? How can we need feel like we need to renovate our kitchen when we see our neighbors brand new cooking space?

The answer is not letting others dictate what you want to create, own, or achieve. If you see someone else achieving something you want to achieve, understand where achieving those goals fit in your life. I’ve seen so many bloggers creating a blog for the wrong reasons – fame or quick money, and they get burned out so quickly because their goals they chase were never theirs. When you chase someone else’s goal, you tend to get lost in the process because you never fully understood the WHY. Have a goal, YOUR OWN goal, and know why you want to achieve this goal. That’s when the “chase” becomes meaningful and you don’t get burnt out.

 “From what I’ve learned, the perception of success comes from setting an aim and accomplishing it. Life is always changing and there are always going to be another aim or goal. Don’t ever think that you’ve done enough but don’t let that bring you down. There are always going to be people ten steps ahead of you but there are also going to be people ten steps behind you. It’s the nature of the business. I really believe in going at your own pace and running your own race in your own time. I’m still learning and don’t exactly feel “successful” but I feel satisfied with the progress I’m making so I guess that’s a kind of success!” – Sangyay Chen, Model and Blogger @ Itssangtime

There’s no such thing as a selfish success. True success is always a collective one.

This is one of my more recent realizations. It dawned on me that helping others makes me feel really good about myself, so good that I’d call that feeling successful. When I answer a reader’s question about salary negotiations, when I point someone who’s lost in their career in the right direction, when I help someone pick out a week’s worth of outfits for a really important conference… all of these things make me want to do more what I do on Cubicle Chic.

And being in a position to help others, to have materials to teach others, to me, is a success. Being successful means being willing and able to help others achieve their goals, and through that, help them become successful.

If you exclude others in your process of reaching success, you won’t feel successful.

“Success is a team sport and is only achieved by bringing others along on your journey and lifting others up to achieve their goals. “ – Kelly Hoey, Investor, Business Strategist, & Author of Build Your Dream Network 

Have you felt lost in the pursuit of success?

Remember, when you feel the urge to find the definition of success, just do the following:  1) recognize smaller successes because it’s not about the finish line, 2) know that if you’re actively pursuing success, you’re semi-successful, 3) pursue your own goals so the process of pursuit will feel meaningful, 4) help others succeed along the way. You don’t regret it!

All photography by Natalie Alvarado @ Stylenfuse

The post How To Define Success || 4 Theories From 4 Successful Business Women appeared first on Cubicle Chic.

There are the obvious benefits of having a mentor – someone who shows you the ropes, helps with career planning and guidance, is there to offer advice when you encounter problems. But…

But if this is all your mentor provides for you, you might have what I call a “basic mentor.” Finding a basic mentor, or any mentor for that matter, is not an easy task. Finding a great mentor, though? Flat out difficult.

Here are some signs that your mentor is more than basic.

5 TRAITS OF A GREAT MENTOR

1) THEY HELP YOU DISCOVER YOUR PROFESSIONAL STRENGTHS

If your mentor knows you well enough and happens to work in the same organization as you do, they should be able to observe you, your performance, and your impact. Over time, this gives them the advantage to pinpoint where you’ve made the biggest contribution, and guide you on how to hone in on those skill sets involved. Even if they don’t work in your office, they should regularly ask you the kinds of pointed, critical questions that force you to assess your own work and professional style. A great mentor won’t tell you what to do—they’ll help you think critically.

2) AND POINT YOU TOWARD CAREER RESOURCES THAT WILL CHALLENGE AND DEVELOP YOU

As a continuation of knowing your strength, a great mentor will regularly suggest how and where to find resources to develop yourself. Working on public speaking? “Try Toastmasters or Amy Cuddy’s latest book.” Need help with manipulating large amount of data that Excel can’t handle? “Look into Tableau.” Part of what makes a good mentor is the mentor’s own ability to keep up with technologies and latest resources for refining a trade and continuous self-improvement. Look for someone who’s eager and curious about their work and industry and who loves to share.

3) THEY’RE YOUR DEVIL’S ADVOCATE AND BIGGEST CHEERLEADER (AT THE SAME TIME)

One of the most valuable things a mentor can do with is to help you evaluate your options when you hit a “fork” in your career path and need to make a decision. A good mentor will help expand your thinking and make sure your thought processes cover as many aspects of your life, professional and personal, as possible. They’ll ask the toughest questions. And when you’ve made a decision, they will support you and cheer you on.

4) THEY GIVE YOU HONEST AND CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM

Receiving and giving criticism is an art form, to say the least. We all have cringe-worthy memories of giving or receiving criticism. If done well, though, it takes mentorship from good to great. This step requires a mutually trusting relationship between you and your mentor—it takes you being open and vulnerable, and your mentor being honest and tactful.

5) THEY GROW WITH YOU

This is probably the most difficult aspect to cultivate in a mentorship if it doesn’t spontaneously develop over time. The truth is that people change. We hear the same thing about romantic relationships, in which two partners have to be open and honest about the changes in their thinking, beliefs, strengths, and weaknesses. A good mentor has to be aware of your growth and his or her own growth. This means there may be a time, when your needs as a mentee evolve beyond their capacity as a mentor. Or there may also be a time when your mentor is taking on new challenges in their life, where you can reverse the roles and for you to offer up advice. Again, this takes a strong foundation in your relationship and a ton of trust. The goal here is to evolve with each other.

MY PERSONAL STORY

Why do I know all of this? It comes from years of having a great mentorship. This mentorship started with me being hired into my first job right after graduate school in 2011. That was the first time this mentorship changed my career—actually, it essentially started it! My mentor was my then boss and hiring manager. Two years into this job as a temp, after pushing mountains (i.e. a 6-month hiring freeze) for me, I was converted to a full-time employee. This was the second time my mentor “saved” me. And earlier this year, I was given the opportunity to take on a new role, and this opportunity was offered by the same mentor. In hindsight, if it wasn’t for this opportunity, it’s highly possible that I would’ve gotten laid off. Needless to say, I am extremely grateful.

HOW TO FIND YOUR OWN GREAT MENTOR

Much has been written on the topic of how to find a mentor (by Huffington Post, LinkedIn, and Refinery 29, to name a few), and they’re certainly a great place to start. But you also have to consider why you want a mentor, and how having a mentor will change you and your career.

This brings me to a very critical component of mentorship—your effort. A great mentor goes out of their way to ensure the success of their mentee. But that relationship can only exist because the mentees seek and prepare. Like most things, the amount of energy you invest will contribute to what you actually get out of your mentorship. Without preparation and effort, mentorship devolves into a series of handshakes and stiff meetings—nothing more.

SOME TIPS

• If you’re on track with your career path, start with who you know. Do you have a more senior coworker who you admire or a boss? See if they’d grab a cup of coffee with you to discuss their own career.
• If you’re not sure where you want your career to go—consider informational interviews. They’re a great way to network and learn about an industry that interests you.  [link to our informational interviews 101 piece]
• Attend networking events, then actually follow up with people who you found inspiring. See if they’ll meet you for a drink or coffee. If it’s a good fit, stay on top of communicating with them regularly.
• Try Career Contessa’s Hire a Mentor platform. This is kind of a cheat, but hey, there’s nothing wrong with finding a shortcut. You can pick the mentor that best fits your professional path and interests, then book a one-on-one session to kickstart a job search or plan some career goals.

(This article was published on Career Contessa on 9/5/2016)

I’d like to hear about your mentorship stories! Whether you are a mentor or a mentee, share away!

The post 5 Hidden Benefits of Having a Great Mentor & How to Find one on your own appeared first on Cubicle Chic.

Imagine answering this question as your 5 year-old, 10 year-old, and 15 year-old self. The answer may not have been the same, but I bet the certainty about whatever you wanted to become, dwindled over time. And what DID we want to be? A writer, an animal shelter owner, maybe a coffee shop barista. For me, it certainly wasn’t corporate marketing in the tech sector or even a lifestyle blogger.

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But somewhere along the last 30 years, I gained more skills, learned more about myself, found out the possibilities of professions that exist out there. My options became plenty, but the certainty shrank in what I want to become when I grow up.

The one scenario in which we have to seriously consider this question, as adults, is often during an interview. When a potential job offer is at stake, this question becomes that much more delicate and difficult to tackle. So I’ve come up with a list of questions to help you shape your thinking and get closer to the answer. Answer to yourself honestly, and based on those answer, you can craft an interview appropriate response.

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How do you answer “where do you see yourself in 5/10/15 years”, which is basically “what do you want to be when you grow up?” in the adult world.

I would segment your thinking into two areas: professional, and personal.

In your personal life, in 5/10/15 years:

What motivates you to get out of bed every morning?
How high does work rank in your overall life in terms of priority?
Who do you spend the most time with outside of work?
What do you do for fun?
Do you see yourself getting married and/or starting a family?
Do you live in the city, suburbs, the mountains, or a coastal city?

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In your professional life, in 5/10/15 years:

Why do you have a job, is it just for financial support os is it a fulfilling cause?
Are you managing people, being responsible for their development?
What kind of hours do you work, 9-5 or freelance?
Are you a single contributor or do you work in a team?
Do you have entrepreneurial aspirations?
Do you work in a global setting or more regionally focused?
What does financial success mean to you?

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This is how I crafted my plan based on the approach above:

Having ownership over creative and challenging work is what motivates me every morning, the first thing I think of when I wake up. Work is a priority because it’s a source of (really good) income but also something that keeps me on my toes and hungry for intellectual growth. I hang out with friends that I share common interests within my free time, and spend just as much time with close family. I snowboard in the winter, surf in the summer, go on hikes, enjoy yoga, and rock climbing. I love being outdoors. I live in the suburb with my husband, possibly some kids, and not too far from my parents.

Work-wise, I work alongside a bunch of driven, inspiring, and kind people. I lead projects as well as people. I take ownership of my job and I trive to make an impact in everything I do. I find the idea of starting my own business interesting, but I think after my kids are older is probably the better time to take more serious actions toward the idea. I also work in a global setting in my work, dealing with people from different continents, and constantly applying my fluency in Mandarin Chinese. I think of financial success as having a good control over my daily budget and expense, and earning good enough an income where I can save, and occasionally indulge in nice vacations or occasionally more materialistic things.

With these two paragraphs as the basis,  I now feel much more confident answering the question “where do you see yourself in 5/10/15 years” now. What do your two paragraphs look like?

The post What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up? appeared first on Cubicle Chic.