Blazer: Dailylook; Dress: Everlane via Nordstrom; Bag: Banana Republic Slouch Tote on sale for $75 now; Sunglasses: Perverse Sunglasses Twiggy

I recently re-read an article I wrote earlier this Spring when I almost died in a car accident. It pulled me back into the reflective mood I was in when I wrote the piece, thinking about how short life can be. It also got me thinking about how grateful I am for the life I have now.

I have had some bumps in the road in my 32-year-old life, but I have by no means lived a tough life. Yet, when I was in my 20’s, I was rarely content. I wished I was someone else. I wished I looked different. I wanted things I didn’t deserve. I sometimes loathed myself, who I was. I struggled mentally and I had major body image issues. There were ups and downs, but the downs defined who I was.

Blazer: Dailylook; Dress: Everlane via Nordstrom; Bag: Banana Republic Slouch Tote on sale for $75 now; Heels: Topshop Fringe Sandals

Something changed within me in my late 20’s. Through friends and family, books I read, new interests I developed, places I traveled to, I became a better version of myself. I starting having more confidence. I started caring less about others’ opinion. I became more self-aware but less self-conscious. I developed a better sense of my SELF, a better sense of my identity. I started to be at peace with myself.  I began accepting and embracing my imperfections. 

Sunglasses: Perverse Sunglasses Twiggy; Blazer: Dailylook; Dress: Everlane via Nordstrom; Bag: Banana Republic Slouch Tote on sale for $75 now

Sometimes, I wish I could go back in time and share what I know now with my younger self. I would tell my 20-something self to…

Stay in the present. Because that’s all you can control.

It was through yoga and meditation that I learned the importance of being present. I’m no expert at either, but I’ve had moments of clarity and relief that comes from focusing my mind on the present. I learned that if you’re depressed, you’re stuck in the past. If you’re anxious, you’re too worried about the future. You can’t change what happened yesterday, but you can try to have a better day today.

Sunglasses: Perverse Sunglasses Twiggy; Dress: Everlane via Nordstrom; Bag: Banana Republic Slouch Tote

Love yourself first. Because you deserve it.

Also because asking or waiting for others to love you is just too much work. Don’t bend yourself backward to make someone love you. You are already lovable! You just have to love yourself first.

Take the time to get to know yourself. Because that’s who’s responsible for your well-being & happiness

In your 30’s is when a lot of life commitments happen if they haven’t already. Long-term relationships, the prime years of your career, or kids. Not everyone will know what their passion is or what they’re called to do in life. But knowing what fuels you vs. what drains your energy, what excites you vs. what you dread will help you steer your life in your 30’s. Designing Your Life is a great resource to figure this out if you’re wanting some direction in life. It’s one of my favorite books in 2017.

Sunglasses: Perverse Sunglasses Twiggy; Dress: Everlane via Nordstrom

Try new things and develop new interests. Because you may not have the time and energy to later.

I saw some of my friends moved from hobbies to hobbies. Today, it’s bowling; tomorrow, it may be archery. I always thought they were looking for something to fill a void that they had. And maybe there’s some truth to that. But looking back, I wish I did more of exploring when it comes to what I do in my leisure time. Because it’s a luxury to have something you can just lose yourself in doing (video game, drugs, and eating cupcakes don’t count). And the more hobbies you try and develop a long-term interest in, the more things you have at your disposal to relax, recharge, and find your balance. Which are oh-so-important when you’re juggling career, mortgage, and a family in your 30’s.

Blazer: Dailylook; Sunglasses: Perverse Sunglasses Twiggy; Dress: Everlane via Nordstrom; Bag: Banana Republic Slouch Tote

Accept the mistakes you make. Because mistakes help you learn.

There were things I did in my 20’s that I wish I could do-over. Sometimes I do wish I could go back in time and change my approach, my attitude, and the way I treated people. But I can’t. Instead, what I CAN do is to remind myself what I learned. I can remind myself what it was like when I hurt or disappointed people. I can carry those feelings and never do it again.

All photography by Natalie Alvarado @ Stylenfuse 

The post Things I Learned In My 30’s That I Wish I Knew In My 20’s appeared first on Cubicle Chic.

Life’s been moving at the speed of light for me lately. All within the last 3 months, I quit a 6-figure job, got married, got into a nearly fatal car accident and totaled the car that I’d just paid off 2 months prior, bought our first house, and now about to move into that house. Throughout all these ups and downs, one of the constants that remained is my writing and blogging on Cubicle Chic. Since I’ve started freelancing, content ideas have been flowing and I’ve gotten quite a number of new collaborations.

This got me thinking…

Am I successful? Or at least… am I on the verge of being successful?

Well, let’s look at how conventional wisdom defines success:

·      Consumerism and American culture pretty dictate that success is material possession. Having a lot of “stuff” – a nice car, a big house, or expensive jewelry… means success.

·      Religious and spiritual teachings say that the state of contentment or a state of no more “wanting” is the ultimate goal.

·      In Corporate America, in the most black-and-white-no-gray-area way, success is defined by power and high positions.

But all of us can name at least one person in our life that has one of these things but still not happy, satisfied, or fulfilled.

Whether you’re on an uphill, downhill or a flat-out slump in life, I’m sure this question has crossed your mind about where this pursuit of success is supposed to lead you. When would you ever feel OK to not hustle and strife anymore, and would we ever be able to stop and pat ourselves on the back and admire our success, and just be content? It’s human to instinctively want to pursue success, but it’s also human to wonder just how to define success so we know we are “successful”?

So, what is success? How do we ever know we are “successful” and how do we define success?

Success is a process. Recognize the bits and pieces as it happens

If we recognize the state of pursuing success as a continuous process, we must admit that it isn’t about what happens at the very end, or the big bow that we’re able to put on this whole process. It’s about counting all forms of success like the way we are told to count our blessings. Success isn’t one big thing, it’s many small things. Finishing a marathon isn’t the only form of success, it’s the pre-training, the start of the race, the persevering in the last 3 miles, and crossing the finish line. Success only feels fleeting because we recognize it at the end and we forget to celebrate the beginning and the middle.

“It feels like we constantly chasing a goal and even after we reach it, we’re ready for something more. The chase seems to be what drives us more than the actual “prize.” This happens to millennials more often because we’ve grown up in a world of instant gratification— binge watching a show, order anything to be delivered, and even getting SAT scores instantly. These things make it difficult to grasp and enjoy success when it’s happening to us. To help me recognize my “success” and at the very least enjoy it more, I’ve been keeping a gratitude journal and each night I write down 3-5 things that went well that day and I’m grateful for. I do this because I’ve defined success as a process, and the process is that I’m moving forward so keeping a journal helps me with that.”- Lauren McGoodwin, Founder & CEO of Career Contessa

Success is being in the driver seat of your life and taking it wherever your heart desires

We know we’re supposed to “follow our dream” and “pursue our passion” but the truth is not all of us graduate college knowing what we want to do in life. And even for those of us who have a clear goal, we may not always be in the position (financial, education, resources, what have you) to pursue that goal.

So, whether you mentally will yourself to put in the work after your 9-5 to grow your blog (Cubicle Chic has been my after-work project for almost 2 years now!) or you have saved up from a salaried job so could afford to be unemployed and pursuing your true passion, or that you went through years of schooling to be able to work in a profession that you’ve had a calling to do, I would count these all as success.

“Success isn’t what you think you should do, rather, it’s following what you want to do. The biggest success in my eyes is using your talents and skills daily to achieve what your heart truly wants without thinking about society’s definition of prestige, wealth, and expectations. Crafting an ideal life you truly want to live is the ultimate definition of success. “ – Emily Liou, Career Coach and Founder of Cultivitae

Have your own measure of success

Social media has fundamentally changed our way of life. Most significantly, it changed the way information travels. We are now 100x times more aware of what people have accomplished, not only because people are more likely to flaunt it, but also because our eyes are peeled to our phones where such information is displayed.

How can we not look at our own wardrobe and feel like we need to buy one more dress when we see posts after posts of beautifully styled outfits? How can we not feel like we need to work harder when we see our college classmate getting a coveted promotion? How can we need feel like we need to renovate our kitchen when we see our neighbors brand new cooking space?

The answer is not letting others dictate what you want to create, own, or achieve. If you see someone else achieving something you want to achieve, understand where achieving those goals fit in your life. I’ve seen so many bloggers creating a blog for the wrong reasons – fame or quick money, and they get burned out so quickly because their goals they chase were never theirs. When you chase someone else’s goal, you tend to get lost in the process because you never fully understood the WHY. Have a goal, YOUR OWN goal, and know why you want to achieve this goal. That’s when the “chase” becomes meaningful and you don’t get burnt out.

 “From what I’ve learned, the perception of success comes from setting an aim and accomplishing it. Life is always changing and there are always going to be another aim or goal. Don’t ever think that you’ve done enough but don’t let that bring you down. There are always going to be people ten steps ahead of you but there are also going to be people ten steps behind you. It’s the nature of the business. I really believe in going at your own pace and running your own race in your own time. I’m still learning and don’t exactly feel “successful” but I feel satisfied with the progress I’m making so I guess that’s a kind of success!” – Sangyay Chen, Model and Blogger @ Itssangtime

There’s no such thing as a selfish success. True success is always a collective one.

This is one of my more recent realizations. It dawned on me that helping others makes me feel really good about myself, so good that I’d call that feeling successful. When I answer a reader’s question about salary negotiations, when I point someone who’s lost in their career in the right direction, when I help someone pick out a week’s worth of outfits for a really important conference… all of these things make me want to do more what I do on Cubicle Chic.

And being in a position to help others, to have materials to teach others, to me, is a success. Being successful means being willing and able to help others achieve their goals, and through that, help them become successful.

If you exclude others in your process of reaching success, you won’t feel successful.

“Success is a team sport and is only achieved by bringing others along on your journey and lifting others up to achieve their goals. “ – Kelly Hoey, Investor, Business Strategist, & Author of Build Your Dream Network 

Have you felt lost in the pursuit of success?

Remember, when you feel the urge to find the definition of success, just do the following:  1) recognize smaller successes because it’s not about the finish line, 2) know that if you’re actively pursuing success, you’re semi-successful, 3) pursue your own goals so the process of pursuit will feel meaningful, 4) help others succeed along the way. You don’t regret it!

All photography by Natalie Alvarado @ Stylenfuse

The post How To Define Success || 4 Theories From 4 Successful Business Women appeared first on Cubicle Chic.