It’s a kind of love I never knew was possible. How could I though? I simply wasn’t capable. I wasn’t capable until Sophia was born about 8 weeks ago…

As expected, new parent life hasn’t been all peaches and cream, and those of you who are veteran parents are probably nodding your head now. But it’s been an experience I wouldn’t trade for anything else. You see, I expected a lot of the bad. But what I couldn’t anticipate was the love and affection that would emerge and how it would carry us through the long and late nights, the 5th diaper change in a row, and the pain associated with postpartum recovery and breastfeeding. Now, in typical Cubicle Chic fashion, I am here to share some DETAILS of what transpired 8 weeks ago. Also, I want to talk a little bit about why we decided to hire a doula and how that changed our labor and delivery experience for the better, especially when we compare stories with friends. If you are considering to hire a doula, read on!

Why We Decided To Hire A Doula

I knew pretty early in my pregnancy that I was going to hire a doula. I’ve had friends that gave birth with the help of a doula, I’ve also read many books (one of them being my favorite pregnancy book, Your Pregnancy Your Way) that recommend having a doula. My personal philosophy is that if you can pay to have an expert walk with you as you go through something new and difficult, why wouldn’t you? People hire personal trainers to get fit, life coaches to live better… doulas are essentially birth coaches and I definitely wanted a coach with me as I embark on the labor and delivery journey. I browsed on www.DoulaMatch.net for a good while and interviewed 4 doulas before I decided to work with Christal Quick (Radiant Heart Doula Services). We felt that Christal had the right mix of flexibility and confidence when it comes to the way a doula would add to a family’s birth experience. She has a very empathetic and understanding vibe about her but it was also clear that she’s an experienced expert, and would be able to provide unwavering advice in times of need. But all in all, I would summarize our reasons we hired a doula as follows:

1. Pain Management: I wanted to labor naturally for as long as I could. This meant that I’d be dealing with contractions with no pain management for as long as I could. During our consultation, Christal talked about a variety of methods to help the laboring woman cope with the contraction pains. During labor, Christal would apply counter pressure to my pelvis whenever a contraction would take place. She also taught my husband how to do the same thing so they could alternate.
2. Your Labor and Delivery Advocate: If I learned anything from all the pregnancy books I read, it’s that the birthing process is unpredictable. Every woman’s physiology, medical history, and pregnancy is different and therefore the best way to prepare for it is simply to be open minded. Throughout your hospital stay all the way until you are discharged, you and your partner may have to make medical decisions that will affect you or your baby. Having an experienced birthing coach by your side when you are speaking with medical professionals may give you a bit more peace of mind. For example, when I finally got to 9 and 3/4 centimeters dilated, the midwife on shift was very enthusiastically suggesting that I started pushing. She made the suggestion to us. Christal, as well as the nurse on shift, said we will think about it… then the midwife left the room. Both my nurse and Christal thought that it wasn’t time to push yet and that I should labor down until I was 10 centimeters dilated. The reason is that sometimes if you push while your cervix isn’t completely open, the baby could rip through part of the cervix that’s in the way (*shudders*). So, at their suggestion, I “labored down”  until I was fully dilated, then I began pushing.
3. Support For The Husband: This wasn’t something we had thought about previously, but turned out to be a critical role that Christal played. Labor is a long process, especially for first-time moms. But as hard as it was on for me, my husband was there every step of the way. In the beginning, before my real contractions set in, we were chit-chatting, watching shows on my laptop, just having a chill time (around the time this photo was taken). But as soon as contractions start and after Christal arrived, there was no rest for my husband… he and Christal were alternating to provide counter-pressure for me, and let me tell you… it’s a full-on arm and back workout! It was around 3 AM when I got my epidural, after which I quickly fell asleep. My poor husband stayed awake the whole time, because he’s a light sleeper and there were nurses/other medical professionals coming in and out of the room to check on me and also the hospital guest bed is CRAP. Thank goodness we had Christal that could come and stay with me while my husband could go out and get a cup of coffee and some food. One time when my husband was away (out of the hospital actually) getting food, I started vomiting. There was no one in the room but Christal, so if it wasn’t for her, I would’ve vomited all over myself!

OK, let’s rewind to the beginning of this labor and delivery journey… I was past 40 weeks pregnant and running out of my last bit of patience. Starting around 36-37 weeks, I was having regular Braxton Hicks contractions (aka “practice” contractions that entail tightening of the abdomen but no pain). I felt like my body had been priming itself for a long time. But baby Sophia apparently didn’t agree with that. I had my membrane swept at 40 weeks and 1 day to hopefully speed up the onset of labor… it was NOT a pleasant experience. Actually, I would describe it as pretty traumatizing even compared to giving birth because the membrane sweeping was done without anesthetics. I googled and googled and most people seem to have no problem with their membrane sweeping experience. But mine turned out pretty painful and traumatizing. And it didn’t trigger labor… On top of that, I was eating spicy food, doing squats, talking multiple walks outside, and taking castor oil. Nothing triggered real contractions. And all the while, my Braxton Hicks continued.

The day before my last OB appointment (40 weeks and 5 days), I had a few micro-gushes of fluids down there. I thought maybe it was my water breaking, but since I didn’t have any other symptoms associated with water breaking (continuous leak of fluid and/or the onset of real contractions), I didn’t think much. The next day in the Dr’s office, I was undressed from the waist down sitting on the exam bed/table when I realized my water definitely broke. Because after just a few minutes sitting on the little doggy pad, I had a puddle underneath me… a puddle of clear, odorless fluid like they describe amniotic fluid to be! And of course, my doctor confirmed it. It was Tuesday at 11:30 AM, and by 1 PM, I was settled into my labor and delivery room, where the most life-changing event in my life would take place.

What transpired next was a long and arduous 25 hours of labor. It started with me being induced with an oral dose of Cytotec. I was a bit over 1 centimeter dilated when I was checked in, and it took 3 doses of Cytotec, a dose of Pitocin, and 20 hours to finally get to 9 and 3/4 (I know… the platform to get to Hogwarts!) centimeters. It was a long process, to say the least, not to mention I vomited about 5 times during this time which I mistakenly thought was a reaction to the epidural I got. Upon confirming with the anesthesiologist, it turned out that it’s just part of the birthing process, and that some women just throw up, *insert palms up + shrugging emoji*. I spent the last hour of labor “laboring down”. In case you’re wondering what it means, here’s a good definition and explanation on why you should labor down. During my last vaginal check, the nurse confirmed I was 10 centimeters dilated, and that I was given the “go” to start pushing. Earlier that day, at around the 20th hour of my labor process, I was joking with the nurses saying “watch me push this baby out in 10 minutes” because I was so frustrated with the long labor. Well, I actually kind of did it! It took me 10 minutes of 2 or 3 pushes until the nurse was telling me to stop because the baby was crowning! I was told I am a phenomenal pusher. At this time, the nurse asked if I wanted to touch the baby’s head and I hesitantly said yes. And I reached down there and I felt the top of her head with lots of hair!! It was an incredible experience (also incredibly weird/gross feeling?!).  The OB on shift was still tending to another patient when this was going on, so the nurse told me to stop a while and wait for the OB to come. The waiting took another 5 minutes… and finally, the OB arrived, scrubbed in, and 2 more pushes… Sophia was born!

The moment they pulled this purple, slimy, slightly alien-looking being out of me and placed her on my chest, I couldn’t help but break into years. I was sobbing. It was tears of shock, wonder, and joy and other inexplicable emotions. Shock because, honestly, it does not matter how many birth videos you watch, when it happens and you’re in the midst of it all, it’s a new experience in every way possible. Wonder because I was instantly in love, SO MUCH in love… I could never in a million years imagine the way I felt the moment I saw her. Joy because she seemed so perfect and so perfectly healthy; she came out with lots of hair, a loud cry, and clean/clear skin. We could not ask for a more perfect baby.

The hours that followed the birth of Sophia were a bit hazy in my memory. Not because I was drugged up, but because I was intoxicated with a sense of wonder. When I recall everything that happened, these memories all have a dream-like quality associated with them. Two or three hours after Sophia was born, we were moved into a recovery room where we spent the next 48 hours. It was a tough 48 hours with a lot of difficulties and not a lot of sleep. We fumbled through our first diaper changes, struggled with breastfeeding, fought extreme fatigue and all the while had some families that came over to visit. They always recommend new parents to decline visitation from friends and family during this time, but we could barely wait to show her off and share our excitement. During this stay, Sophia also was pre-emptively prescribed phototherapy for jaundice because her bilirubin level was borderline. She never crossed the threshold to be diagnosed as having jaundice so we were grateful. She was and continues to be a very cooperative, easy-going and mild-temper baby.

The New Chapter Of Our Lives

So, it’s been almost 2 months and she continues to wow us every day. She just started to smile at us when she sees us last week! To say that we are smitten in love would be an understatement. Now, in my next post, I will discuss some of the rather surprising details about my postpartum recovery… so stay tuned!

Professional Photography by Geena Crawford Photography, her Yelp page

The post Our Birth Story // Why We Decided to Hire A Doula appeared first on Cubicle Chic.

As a fashion-conscious pregnant woman with a very limited shopping budget, creating cute, affordable, and sensible maternity outfits has been one of my biggest challenges during this 9-month journey. If you’re lucky, it’s not something you have to think about until you’re well into your second trimester. But if you’re like me, when pants/any clothing for that matter stopped fitting 2 months into my pregnancy, you’ve probably been looking for a solution like I have.

“Just Hit the Maternity Section of Shops!”

It’s easy to think that as soon as your body starts swelling up, you just hit the maternity section of all stores and start stocking up on all things maternity. That might sound like a simple solution, but when you have a limited shopping budget, it’s not a very reasonable one. Not to mention the pile of maternity clothing you have to worry about putting away/donating/storing for next pregnancy once the 9-month journey is over. Life gets even more hectic after the baby arrives. Nobody’s got time for messing with unused maternity clothing hanging around!

After some trial and errors, I’ve derived a few principles that I stick to when I put together pregnancy outfits and thinking about purchasing new items.

Five Principles to Stick with When Putting Together Maternity Outfits using Non-Maternity Clothing

1. Bite the bullet and buy a size (or two) larger

This principle involves conquering a purely psychological issue. If like me, you’ve experienced body image struggles, you know how difficult it is to allow yourself to buy one size larger. It’s like you are giving yourself room to NOT be your ideal self. But having accepted, over time, that my body is changing and changing for good, I let that part of my ego go. I simply opt for a larger size and it’s worked wonders! Like this buttoned henley T-shirt from Hollister, I opted for a size large, and it covers my 36-week belly completely. I paired it with a size small (my regular size) leopard print cardigan also from Hollister, and some loose-fitting joggers from a local boutique in San Diego called Liv3 (see my intro at the bottom of the post; it’s one of my favorite spots to hit up now in North County of San Diego!).

2. Length is everything

To make non-maternity tops work for a pregnant belly, the key is to find tops that are long enough. Rarely would tops not fit in the arms/chest area (if that’s your concern, sizing up solves that problem too), it’s the belly that will be exposed if your top isn’t long enough. For example, this super soft Chicwish sweater is my usual size small/medium (only 5 left in stock as of 10/18!), but because it’s long enough, it completely covers my belly! I paired it with some jeans and it’s a perfect outfit for any Fall-day outing.

3. Mixing up loose and tight fitting items

If you’re wearing a loose top to cover/hide your belly, make sure your jeans/leggings/bottoms are tight-fitting enough. Similarly, a tight t-shirt on the inside of an outfit featuring the loose-fitting cardigan creates the same effect. The point is, don’t overdo it on the loose fitting times, otherwise, sometimes you end up adding unnecessary bulk to your body.

4. Accessorize creatively

I’ve come to LOVE all sorts of statement earrings during pregnancy because this is the one area of my body that hasn’t changed much. LOL. But also, earrings are perfectly fine post-baby so I feel less bad investing in new ones. But another way to accessorize is to incorporate bare shoulders, as in wearing off-the-shoulder tops like this off-the-shoulder sweater from Hollister (size small). Now, we talked about finding a top that’s long enough to cover up your belly. In this case, this sweater wasn’t going to do that very well. So, I found a pair of nice and soft culottes from Liv3, my local boutique store, that goes perfectly well with this top. You can find similar culottes here,  and here.

The secret to these culottes fitting perfectly though lies in the waistband. If you are earlier in your pregnancy, I think any culottes with a flexible waistline will work. But as your belly bulges further, you may need a whole panel of flexible cloth like this one in particular.

5. (For third-trimester preggers) Learn to love buttons

Why? Simple. It’s all about boob access after the baby comes! So yes, start looking for pieces with buttons (that actually work) so when you continue to wear them into your 4th trimester (yes, it’s a thing!) it’s already conducive to breastfeeding. This maroon piece of beauty came from, again, my local boutique Liv3 in size medium. You can find similar ones here, here, and here.

A little bit about Liv3 Boutique

This is not a sponsored post! I chanced upon this little gem in North County of San Diego in San Marcos very serendipitously. If you live around the area, you have to visit them! They sell the cutest clothes at very affordable prices (I’d say between $15-$50 a piece depending on what it is) and the cutest interior design/decors (think trendy plants and vases). For expecting mamas and mamas out there, you’d also find their selection of baby/kid products very irresistible. I personally have to restrict myself on how many times I visit them per month because as it stands, I’ve never walked out of their shop empty-handed… kind of dangerous for my budget/wallet.

The post How to Create Chic Maternity Outfits Using Non-Maternity Clothing appeared first on Cubicle Chic.

Dress: Dailylook Elite (use CUBICLECHIC20 to get 20% off your first box!); Handbag: Palla Handbag

As we go through life, we cross important milestones that mark different stages of life. Puberty, going to college, falling in love, working your first job, getting married, raising kids, and getting old… are all important phases that we encounter. We often hear about what it’s like to be in a particular stage that we are about to enter, and we build up anticipation, get ready, so we can transition smoothly into and get the most out of each stage.

As naïve as I was, I thought pregnancy was going to be one of these milestones. I thought, mistakenly in hindsight, that I would just naturally slide into being pregnant and smoothly navigate out of it. Boy, was I wrong.

Oh, by the way, in case you haven’t guessed it – yes, we are pregnant! As of the writing of this blog post, I am around 4 months pregnant. It’s been quite a ride, let me tell you. First off, if you’re a long-time reader, you probably sensed something from my lack of productivity (i.e. lack of published blog posts) in the month of March all the way to this month. I even left my full-time job in February to focus on my blog. On top of that, my Instagram activities have plummeted to an all-time low. All of this is to say that the pregnancy was a curveball that life threw at me. I can’t say that I was prepared for it.

But then again, how prepared are we for most things that happen in life, amirite? So, in the spirit of sharing the most honest, straight-forward, non-sugar-coated truth, here are 6 things that no one told me about being pregnant.

Your Body Is No Longer Just Yours

This is probably the most disturbing and unsettling realization I had. We own our body like we own nothing else in the world – it’s OURS, and we do whatever we want with it. If you want to workout every day and be on a keto diet so you look like The Rock, you can. Alternatively, if you want to sit in front of the TV and eat pizza every day (and look like The Potato or whatever the opposite of The Rock is…), hey, you also can. You can pop a painkiller when you have an ache here or there, and you can deny yourself of a good night sleep in the name of YOLO. Guess what? When you’re pregnant, you can’t do any of that (or have to proceed with a lot of caution). Most importantly, you’re no longer the only person in control in how you feel, physically and mentally. Out of nowhere, you will feel like someone just drained your battery and that you HAVE TO lie down. The urgency to go pee all the time is also something that makes you wonder “has someone been injecting water into my bladder without me knowing??“

Dress: Dailylook Elite (use CUBICLECHIC20 to get 20% off your first box!); Handbag: Palla Handbag

You May Not Feel A Shred Of Joy, Happy Anticipation, Or Even Hope.

This was by far my biggest struggle. Like many of you, I have friends that have gone through the pain of IVF. The blogosphere also saw a recent flux of bloggers opening up about the difficult journey of trying to get pregnant (see Lace and Locks and Extra Petite’s stories). I KNOW this is a difficult subject and process for many people. I should be grateful towards how easy it was for me to conceive. But when people ask me how I felt when I first became pregnant, all I could say was that I felt like my future was stolen from me. I made plans, very specific plans, to leave the corporate 9-5 life and focus on my blog and turn it into what I know it has the potential to be. Spending 18 hours in bed and feeling not a bit of motivation to do anything (including getting out of bed) was not how I planned on spending the first month of my entrepreneurial life. On top of that, I was a wreck because of the hormonal changes. I’ve experienced bouts of clinical depression before, so I know when my symptoms set in. Literally, on some mornings I would wake up and I just feel like the world has taken on a layer of grayish gloom. Given my past experiences, I know it’s hormones affecting me. Yet knowing the cause of it doesn’t change the way I felt. On those days, I would remind myself to take it easy, allow myself to feel what I was feeling, and work on being OK. After all, it’s reported that between 14-23% of women struggle with some symptoms of depression during pregnancy. One motto that helped me a lot during this time was this: It’s hard, it’s normal, and it will change. I repeated it to myself over and over again.

Your First Few OB Appointment Will Be Somewhat Underwhelming.

I still remember the first time I saw the ultrasound of my 5-week-old fetus (I couldn’t really call her a baby at that point – she barely looked human!). I was thinking in my head “THAT is supposed to be the bundle of joy that all women rave about? This is such a scam.” I mean really, at that point, the “fetus” was merely a gestational sac, basically a lump of cells in a sac of some sort. Yes, I heard the heartbeat through the ultrasound, but in my head, it sounded like seaweed floating in the ocean. It did not sound like a lifetime of emotional ups and downs and the most fulfilling human experience ever. Maybe I expected too much. But I walked out of the first and second appointments feeling underwhelmed. OH, BY THE WAY, the first two ultrasounds are done ENDOVAGINALLY. It means they stick the ultrasound wand up your va-jay-jay to check on the baby. It’s not worse than a pap-smear but GOSH why didn’t anyone tell me about this?? I wasn’t mentally prepared to take my panties off and get in one of those humiliating women’s hospital gowns that leaves you butt-naked. But I did. *SIGH*

Dress: Dailylook Elite (use CUBICLECHIC20 to get 20% off your first box!); Handbag: Palla Handbag

You Start Questioning The Root Of Your Beliefs, Values, And Foundational Understanding Of Things And Wonder Where They Came From.

Who am I to bring another human being into the world? I barely have a handle on my own issues, how am I going to help another little human prepare for the experiences, difficult or beautiful, of life? How do I teach her from knowing right from wrong, good from bad, and everything  else so she can make good decisions? Heck, how did I come to learn to know these things about life and decision making? Did my parents consciously teach them to me, or did they just showed me what was good by embodying those principles? Each and every doubt and question in my head is the beginning of its own rabbit hole. Not to mention the whole nature vs. nurture debate. What kind of personality is she going to have? Is she going to question every decision I make for her the way that I question my mom’s decision for me? (The answer is probably yes. Because KARMA.) What scares me the most is that they say parenting is caught not taught. So, you are going to want to consciously teach your kids certain things, prevent them from doing certain things. But there are the things that you are unconsciously doing that your kids will model their behavior after without you realizing.  That scares the shit out of me.

A Case Of Identity Crisis Begins

Growing up, I was never one to play with dolls and pretend to be a mom or have baby names picked out at age 12. I actually openly talked about my aversion towards kids. My excuse/reason is that kids don’t like me. I don’t know why. I also had a serious case of infant phobia. Yes, I invented the name but the condition is real – I was so scared of handling young babies!! The seemingly conflicting thing is, I have always known that I was going to have kids. Even though I don’t particularly look forward to handling a newborn/toddler/pre-teen and whatever monster they turn into after that point, I knew having and raising kids is an irreplaceable experience in life. But man oh man, motherhood is a loaded word that I am a. scared of b. don’t care for c. don’t know how to (or don’t want to) prioritize against other roles that I play in life. You see, being a (great) mother was not something I particularly aspired to be in life. I am not one of those people whose identity rests on the fact that they produced and raised another human being. This isn’t to diminish the hard work and difficulty of motherhood; it simply shows how little it means to me in my life journey. Yet, here I was, at the onset of burgeoning motherhood. Who am I going to be as a mother, how am I going to be as a mother, and lastly why am I becoming a mother…these questions hover in my head when I lie wide awake in the middle of the night due to, you guessed it, hormones.

Thank goodness for blog posts like 10 Reasons I Still Feel Like Myself While Being a Mom. It gives me SO much to look forward to and allows me to believe that there are elements that I can control in terms of how my identity evolves, instead of being dragged into this baby-raising hell that will forever change who I am.

Dress: Dailylook Elite (use CUBICLECHIC20 to get 20% off your first box!); Handbag: Palla Handbag

The Struggle With Body Image Is Real.

This is probably a blog post entirely on its own. I won’t divulge too much here because it’s quite a dark place. But my ever-changing body during pregnancy has NOT left me feeling joyful and excited. I do not have the body type that enables the body to stay the same while only the belly swells. I, my whole person, swelled. And to call this swelling is putting it nicely. The weight gain combined with major lack of energy made me feel like a lazy bum. All of a sudden, I was watching my 600-Pound Life with this new-found empathy. When your weight changes (for the worse) uncontrollably, it’s a terrible feeling. None of my clothes fit anymore, including underwear. I was hesitant to buy new things for my new body because I didn’t know how much more it was going to change. I ended up buying some leggings and maternity tee-shirts through PinkBlush and I am OH-SO-IN-LOVE.

I will probably write another stand-alone blog post on this topic alone. Is that something you would find interesting?

Conclusion

I’d like to apologize if I came across as negative at all in this post. It’s something that I am quite conscious of. My intention in divulging on the not-so-joyful details is to share the realities that I don’t think enough people talk about. And more importantly, if you are pregnant and feeling the same way that I feel, you are not alone. Definitely do not feel ashamed of your questions, doubts, and questions that you haven’t heard anyone else asked. You don’t hear about them asking these questions because they’re hard to answer.

Remember, each woman’s pregnant journey is unique and uniquely difficult. Your difficulty should be at least acknowledged if not understood. For those of you who are echoing my sentiment, I want you to know that you are not alone.

Dress: Dailylook Elite (use CUBICLECHIC20 to get 20% off your first box!); Handbag: Palla Handbag

Dress: Dailylook Elite (use CUBICLECHIC20 to get 20% off your first box!); Handbag: Palla Handbag

All photography by Natalie Alvarado @ Stylenfuse 

The post 6 Things No One Told Me About Being Pregnant appeared first on Cubicle Chic.